Avoiding Pinocchio résumés

One problem upper-management jobseekers encounter is maintaining their objectivity. Lack of neutrality distorts one’s judgment. Those same executives are often cool-headed in other matters, but when it comes to their résumés, the rulebook gets flushed down the toilet.

That begs the question: Does such a résumé rulebook exist? In the large schema—yes, though it is constantly evolving, and not something etched in papaya. The book of résumé etiquette might be entitled: The dos and don’ts of résumé frivolity.

Having worked with thousands of jobseekers, a few caveats have been learned—some by accident, but more the old fashion way—trial and error.[1] In those early days, I accepted clients at face value. I believed whatever the jobseeker told me. Over time, it became apparent that while most did not outright lie, many overstated things, which drew into question their veracity.

Roughly speaking, it took about 300 résumé preparations before it became glaringly obvious what consistently worked, and what puffery did not. While I was eager to pursue methods that worked, it became equally apparent that some clients entertained other priorities. Those priorities trumped my best intentions.

Here are a few Pinocchio dichotomies I regularly encounter. If I encounter these, it’s a damn-sure bet employers confront them as well.

Many jobseekers believe that overly charged verbiage succeeds.[2] They spotted it in Zoe’s résumés and gosh-by-golly they become hell-bent on having identical verbiage appear in their material. (Time is wasted on those resorting to befuddled logic.)

The problem with using charged verbiage comes down to believability. Here is where ambitious intentions clash with reality. What if the employer thinks the jobseekers is just another Pinocchio? What value is that? How does that work to the individual’s advantage?

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Another popular ploy among jobseekers involves the urge to explain things. Somehow, the notion that if they explain their situation, any transgression associated with it will be (a) deeply appreciated and (b) fully accepted as fact by the potential employer.

Oh, if that were true, turtles would gallop like horses and butterflies would sing like canaries. In reality, this amounts to magical thinking, of course. The moment you resort to “But I need to explain,”—you lose. In the world of reality, explanations and rationalizations are for Pinocchio to recite.

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Many fret over the depth of résumé content. (Some resort to obsessing.) To satisfy this thirst (or obsession), they infuse the technique known as stringing prepositions.[3] Why use an eight-word sentence when a long-winded, 35-word sentence, strung together with prepositions will appear more impressive. Some sentences leave readers thinking, --Huh? And say what?

The notion that stringing endless prepositions will convey a greater depth of knowledge or experience is grammatical rubbish. Concise sentences work better than expository blither. Reader comprehension also improves. (This reality is often wasted on those with opposing mindset.)

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At the forefront of jobseekers’ minds are keywords, whom many confuse with buzzwords.[4] The appearance of keywords is vital in résumé effectiveness. They constitute the foundation for selecting candidates—especially when the résumé is pre-screened and processed via an Applicant Tracking System (ATS).

Keywords are not what most jobseekers think they are. They tend to be simple things like contact information, level and type of education, current and previous positions, type of industry experience, and skillsets relevant to a particular industry or occupation.

Whenever applicants come up short in these basics, they lose points and ranking. In turn, this lowers their prospects of being contacted. Jobseekers tend to learn this lesson the hard way when attempting to switch careers.

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As for using buzzwords, think of a swarm of angry bees buzzing around their nest. Except for beekeepers and bears, the noise—annoys. If you have limited exposure to résumés, the buzzing will not be overpowering, nerve-wracking or self-evident. Start reading reams and stacks of résumés and the endless buzzing drives you nuts.

It should come as no surprise that the Pinocchio résumés are cluttered with buzzwords. Some will use prepositions to string the buzzwords together. While depth of experience should speak for itself, they fear being passed over for not including me-to verbiage.

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The ultimate dichotomy is hiring an experienced writer, and then not trusting the individual’s judgment and recommendations. Chances run high that individual will get more right by accident than a novice will by intentional design.

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Copyrighted © 2015 by Robert James. To visit James’ website, click here. To visit his LinkedIn page, click here. 

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Footnotes

[1]   Five top errors learned were, 1: The résumé is an ad—not a job app, 2: Lack of focus in an attempt to cover everything, 3: Content relevancy is more important than length, 4: Clean layouts perform better than busy or cluttered ones, and 5: In many cases, less can be more.

[2]  Worthless superlatives such as “all, always, never, every, almost, very, only” rank among the highest abused, followed by “successfully, completely, totally and entirely.” Infusing charged verbiage has little-to-no influence on sharp-minded decision makers who regularly see such usage.

[3]  As a former college English instructor, I can attest that there are roughly 150 prepositions in English. In case freshman English has been forgotten, the common prepositions are to, at, on, with, of, for, over, from, within, by and aside. Sentences containing more than three propositions should be considered excessive.

[4]  The use of buzzwords dates back to the mid-1940s. Usage is considered an attempt to impress those less educated, and those with less intellect. Seven of the most commonly overused résumé buzzwords include motivated, passionate, creative, driven, extensive, track record, and expert.

The balance of the top ten is experience, responsible and organization. The usage of these buzzwords however, is often unavoidable. With limited options, it is difficult to address experience and responsibilities without referencing those words.

Unique Résumés

The misapplied psychology behind résumés sends many job­seekers scrambling for uniqueness. Will one page be enough? Are three pages too many? Do I need to explain my unique situation? Will more details and bullet points make me unique? What unique buzzwords should I include? Does this sound vaguely familiar?

The answers to these questions amounts to guesswork, perhaps alchemy would not be an overreach. Each jobseeker’s situation tends to be different—though not unique. Let us reserve unique for anomalies and one-of-a-kind.

Most jobseekers see themselves as unique. At any given moment, there exist countless others confronting identical circumstances. Each will lay claim to uniqueness. At the national level, once you see sameness a thousand times, it is hard to envision uniqueness.

Nonetheless, jobseekers ponder the above. Many resort to questionable tactics in an effort to anticipate inquiries. Recently, a batch of résumés landed in my inbox. In consecutive order, three included reasons why they were no longer with a previous employer.

Each felt compelled to explain why he was no longer with this or that company. Busy employers do not have time to care. Perhaps each wanted to offer a preemptive strike to a routine interviewing inquiry: Why did you leave XYZ? Résumés should not be construed as substitutes for job apps.

During interviews, why questions have more to do with how you respond, rather than the justifiable excuse(s). Moreover, the offered rationales tend to be the most lied about during interviews. Skilled interviewers know this.

Those who desire to standout and present a unique appearance need to follow commonsense guidelines. Here is my shortlist:

1.      Make the résumé easy-to-read.

2.      Cover the last ten years succinctly. Beyond that, things become outdated.

3.      Minimize or eliminate non-relevant information.

4.      Whatever you do not want brought up consider leaving out.

5.      Avoid small type, narrow margins, tight spacing and endless bullets.

6.      Throw away the adverbs, superlatives and how wonderful you are, and stick with facts. (This alone causes the material and message to sound more believable.)

7.      Avoid explaining anything in a résumé.

8.      Convert the message to an Internet-friendly format.

As for uniqueness, merely observing commonsense often suffices. In today’s job market, a concise message usually makes your résumé appear unique. At least it will cause the résumé to stand out.

Copyrighted © 2014 by Robert James

Résumés by Committee - Collective Mind-Think

          Everything you postpone in a job search inevitably comes back to haunt you. Some occur instantaneously, while others lean toward the oblique.
         Show up a day late for the job interview and you will immediately receive the cold-shoulder treatment. Be slow to start your job search, and usually you and immediate family are the only ones inconvenienced.

Résumés by committee fall in the less obvious (oblique) category. Whenever you involve more than three in creating your résumé—that’s the magic number—you have in effect formed a committee.

Remember the old standby: Anytime you want to delay something, form committees. It is a sure-fire bet the process will slow. In effect, the collective minds make decisions to avoid offending anyone. To accomplish that, committees avoid creativity, while striving for familiarity.

The committee approach to résumés often impose limitations. In turn, this can lean toward the less than the ideal. The following scenario often occurs:

A client scheduled an appointment to have a résumé written. She was in sales, in her early forties, and had achieved admirable results over the past ten years with one employer. She requested I create something that would make her stand out from the hordes of job applicants.

–Nothing odd or unusual about that.

She failed to mention that the résumé would not be for immediate use, but forwarded to her committee for review. Ignorant of that agenda, I pursued the creative course. Had it been known she planned to involve a committee, a low-keyed approach would have been chosen.

The initial draft assembled quickly, and to my surprise, she changed nothing. Seven weeks after the time for making revisions passed, a litany of emails arrived requesting modifications. Each email came with a new request.

“My friend in social work told me to remove this,” followed by, “An engineering friend told me to add that,” and so-on.

Once everyone on her committee had his or her say, she felt safe to proceed. I asked if anyone on her committee was in sales or sales management. She said “No.” That caused a raised eyebrow. None of the members of her committee was in hiring positions, let alone outside sales.

After her departure, a copy of the initial draft, replete with enhancements and a one-of-a-kind presentation set next to the résumé-by-committee version. The text continued to read well, however the subdued layout failed to make her standout. Her committee had managed to achieve their comfort zone—the mundane.

The easiest thing to do is tell others what they ought to be doing. Talk, however, is cheap: Results are what matter. If you are prone to forming committees, choose those members wisely. Failing to do so, may not be in your best job-search interest.

The committee’s skillsets may fall outside of realm of daily interviewing, selecting and hiring candidates. Be sure they know the big picture of the hiring process, lest you fall prey to collective mind-think and pander to mediocrity.

Copyrighted © 2014 by Robert James

The Burning Question

How do employers know when you are blowing smoke in your résumé?

Don’t hold my feet to the fire on this, but allow me to hazard a guess as to how the résumé exaggeration process came about.

Back in the 1960s, long before most jobseekers were born, I worked for an employment agency. We did not refer to ourselves an employment agency, but that’s what the license on the backside of a door said. Except for staff rah-rah sessions, that door rarely closed.

We billed ourselves as “professional recruiters” and “talent scouts.” Legally, however, we were a state-licensed employment agency. The average jobseeker was none the wiser.

It was during one of those rah-rah, closed-door meetings, the topic of résumés arose. Out of all the traffic that wandered through, one jobseeker caught our alpha shark’s attention. The individual’s résumé, however, amounted to sheets of unreadable gibberish.

The assistant office manager volunteered to “spruce it up.” Though she had never met the jobseeker, she dashed into another room, sat down at an IBM Selectric Type­writer and retooled the individual’s résumé.

Her revamped version thrilled the alpha shark. He appeared giddy. With a few keystrokes, this average Joe jobseeker was transformed into a miracle worker with a fabricated work history of astonishing accomplishments. Our resident talent scout now had something to market, if nothing more than an employment illusion.

Within a month, we had a new department devoted solely to retooling résumés. The assistant office manager’s efforts worked so well, the agency promoted her! It did not take long before other talent scouts jumped on this bandwagon. The old expression, “turning sow’s ears into silk purses” regained popularity.

In jimmy-quick fashion, John Q. Public awoke to the chicanery. Most likely, the new onslaught of résumé books helped expedite the process. The new books came with supercharged vocabulary and other superlative buzzwords jobseekers were encouraged to infuse into their presentation.

You no longer “perform a specific task” –you transformed or orchestrated it. Over­night, Standard English grew into a lexicon of obfuscated terminology, pandering platitudes, and buzzword hysteria. Résumé hyperbole emerged as the new norm.

With this modicum of insight behind us, let us return to the question: How do employers know when you are blowing smoke in your résumé? Answer: When you start using 25-word sentences to state what should be said in 10 words or less.

The problem with unvarnished truth is that it tends to read dry and unexciting. To project a livelier image, today’s headhunters recommend you to jazz it up, so that the material sounds as if you can accomplish the impossible. In reality, agencies are solely interested in filling an opening where they can earn a fat placement commission.

Thus, instead of “Manage the Service Department with 18 employees,” they wanted you to, “Orchestrate the entire Service Department and all customer needs to ensure viable, high-quality and top-notch services are being met and exceeded, while inspiring staff personnel during periods of global flexuous demand cycles.”

Oops! Did something get lost in translation? Was there a nuance that slipped past me? Did the message become shrouded in hyperbole? Add a few superlatives to that 33-word sentence, and that would garbage comprehension even more!

Suppose you are recruiting to fill a position on your staff. You announce the opening. Within a week, you receive 20 résumés. (If this is a well-paying position with decent benefits, plan on 200 arriving.) Now imagine yourself plowing through endless pages of overcharged, heavily infused rhetoric. (I get exhausted just thinking about it.)

Is what you are reading true, or hype? Furthermore, if they are so damn marvelous, successful and otherwise fabulous, why are they in the job market? –Huh? (Trust me; employers ask themselves this question regularly.)

I shouldn't let this out, but here’s the secret. State much in few words. When it comes to an interview-generating résumé—less tends to be more.

Here is an example of blowing smoke chancery: A guy shows up needing a résumé to fill an in-house opening. He hands me his current version. Under education, which filled half a page, he listed every specialized training sessions, informational seminars, and individual courses taken at various facilities. The dates stretch into the 1990s.

In a three-second glance, I replied, “So, you don’t have a degree. Correct?”

He appeared taken aback. “You haven’t had time to read it yet.”

“Don’t have to. Anytime someone devotes that much space to education, it usually signals—no degree.” I avoided using blowing smoke, but there it was.

It’s challenging to write your own résumé without resorting to wishful thinking or pandering to popular hysteria. The trick is to write tight, remain focused and keep content relevant. Accomplish that and you have a done deal. Best of all, in these times of exaggerated amplification, the résumé will sound more believable.

Copyrighted © 2013 by Robert James

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Nine things you should expect from a résumé writer

The genesis for this article originates from a question posed by Jack Mulcahy on LinkedIn. Jack operates a résumé service out of Philadelphia. Leave it to someone in the trade to pose the right question. Those serious in locating a résumé writer will find this enlightening.

 Real résumé writers are by definition an odd lot. While résumé writers come in all shapes and sizes, they tend to be round pegs in square holes. The better ones tend to flexible, knowledgeable on a wide range of occupations, and possess a broad array of intangible skills and tangible disciplines.

The ugly truth is that most of them are not suited for nine-to-five employment for a variety of reasons. They may be too opinionated, too creative, or perhaps, merely frustrated writers. Whatever the reason, they are different.

This does not imply they are bad people—merely different. Most of us get into the profession simply because regular employment was either too mundane or restraining, and/or too political. The balance stumble into the business because they were unable to find gainful employment for themselves. Stay clear of this last lot.

A résumé writer does not have to have the hands of an eye surgeon, or the biochemical knowledge of an endocrinologist, but the individual does need to possess many other skills and disciplines. What follows represents my short list of abilities:

1.      The résumé writer needs to possess insight as to what will not work in the employment marketplace.

A writer acquires this intangible attribute over time. It is not based on personal preferences or prejudices  While it is possible to apply intuition as to what might work, the writer has to know—usually through trial and error—what will not generate interviews.

Over time, a résumé writer learns red flag words and annoying phraseology that turn off the majority of job recruiters. For example, suppose a client wants to use “seasoned veteran” to convey depth of experience. The recruiter will read this as “old fart.” In short, the message sent was not the message received.

2.      A skilled résumé writer needs to be able to gauge the subliminal impact of the material.

To accomplish this feat of résumé magic, the writer has to be able to mentally shift gears, and think like a recruiting specialist. The best way to describe this is what I call résumé feng shui. 

The overall visual ambiance (or feng shui) has to appear inviting to read. When this does not occur, the material is often shuffled to the read-no-further pile.

There are mounts of issues contributing to poor feng shui. For starters, these include (a) blocks of gray type, (b) lengthy sentences, (c) bland layout, (d) overly busy layout, and/or (e) informational gluttony.

3.      A résumé writer has to know when and when not to use acronyms and overused buzzwords.

This involves the ability to make judgment calls. If the individual is seeking a position consistent with education and experience, then relevant acronyms and buzzwords apply.

If the job candidate is making a drastic career change, that same terminology may appear awkward or out of place—perhaps contrived.

4.      A résumé writer has to be both left- and right-brain disciplined to apply Standard English.

Having a knowledge of English is considered a given, however it is more complex than the given implies. Applying written communications is a two-sided issue.

First, there are the mechanics of writing, which include grammar, spelling, syntax and punctuation. These are strictly left-brain functions. On the flipside, there is the aspect of applying those mechanics to the writing process. We call this creativity. Creativity is a right-brain function.

5.      A résumé writer should possess knowledge of software and technological issues.

What we are talking about here goes well beyond keyboarding. Software compatibility and portability issues continue to evolve, along with an array of applications.

Not every job seeker has cutting-edge software and hardware. Even those who do are not inherently proficient in using it. The résumé writer has to be able to address these issues so the end-user can apply it to a job search.

6.      The résumé writer has to be able to address the wide range of psychoanalytical and high-stress factors confronting job seekers.

Wouldn't it be neat if all job candidates were like carpenter ants! All the psychoanalytical and high stress factors would disappear. Regrettably, we are not ants, and therefore, we routinely confront unique and in some cases bizarre situations.

Job seekers fall into two broad categories: Those who are stressed out and close to meltdown, and those who are half crazed running in multiple directions. Both of those broad categories include individuals prone to exhibit irrational behaviors.

For most, job hunting is not part of their daily routine. Any time a daily routine is disrupted, the brain’s chemistry begins doing strange things. Any time the mind performs a foreign task, this can manifest itself into irrational behaviors.

7.      The professional résumé writers will not resort to using preformatted layouts.

The primary reason for avoiding preformatted layouts is that no one or two so-called “perfect” layouts can accommodate unique situations. Furthermore, they tend to be highly restrictive.

A few occupations such as medical doctors and college professors tend to have highly structured curriculum vitaes. This is due to institutional mindset, which dictates this is the way we do it, because this is the way we’ve always done it.

The further you move away from institutional mindset, the more flexibility and creativity you are allowed to apply. Preformatted layouts inhibit both. Thus, knowing how to fit a particular format to the client, works better than having the client twist around to fit into a preconceived format.

8.      The résumé writer needs to be able to provide ancillary services.

There is a broad assortment of ancillary requests from clients. These include email covers, references, appropriate wardrobes, portfolios, and even eating habits. Some need help setting up email accounts, while others require pointers on job hunting techniques.

The biggie, of course is interviewing. With 80% of the population next to clueless when it comes to proper interviewing techniques, the finest résumé on the planet will not compensate for that deficiency.

Statistically, if a job seeker bombs five consecutive interviews in a row, it is time to take a closer look at the ancillary issues affecting a job search.

9.      An experienced résumé writer will encourage clients to take a holistic approach to job hunting.

That is easier said than done. As previously indicated, job seekers are not always rational. For example, some job candidates make no connection between what they eat and how they mentally perform in interviews. It boils down to correct it now, or let it bite you later.

Some individuals become downright belligerent and outright hostile whenever it is suggested they change their eating habits, wardrobes, modify their job-hunting strategies, or change their references. For those willing to listen, the résumé writer has to be ready to spring into action and provide substantive guidance.

When the résumé writer you select possesses the forgoing interdisciplinary talent and skills, the job candidate is reasonably safe.

Résumé Critiquing in a flash

Caution: Reading this may cause you to experience an epiphany!

Recently, I came across an article on how rapidly corporate recruiters scan résumés. (I’d cite the specific article, however I’ve lost track of it.) What caught my attention was the article’s degree of accuracy. There was a trivial point with which I took exception: That was the amount of time initially spent reading a résumé. The article cited six seconds, while I maintain it is closer to 7 and 11 seconds.

 I pulled my résumé critiquing sheet to compare notes. Sure enough, the top issues mentioned in the article tracked my in-house checklist. I was shocked! (No I wasn’t. I just said that to inject a measure of levity.)

Normally, clients retain my résumé services for the sole purpose of having me outfox crafty recruiters at their own game. For serious résumé writing projects, I don’t use a critiquing checklist, simply because I don’t need one.

The referenced checklist is solely for those on tight budgets and do-it-yourselfers. For a flat-rate fee, and 25 minutes of my time, I will compare known issues against what the individual created. If later they decide they want me to fix it, I subtract the critiquing fee.

But I digress. Recently, a job candidate found me. Since graduating from college six years ago, she has been floundering in the job market. Her résumé had failed to generate a single job interview. She had done everything her college placement office instructed her to do, and it hadn’t worked. Those dismal results motivated her to use my professional writing services.

She had used the college’s suggested format. Everything in the résumé appeared to be technically accurate. In terms of her education, she was qualified for the type of career she was pursuing. So the question remains--why wasn’t her résumé working?

The individual in question had committed a series of red-flag errors, the major one being vagueness as to what she is pursuing. Corporate recruiters would have to study the résumé carefully to ferret it out. Fat chance of that happening!

Like it or not, corporate recruiters operate on subliminal autopilot. They may tell you otherwise, but in reality, no one—absolutely no one—can glance at a résumé for six or seven seconds and consistently spot the best candidates.

As a skilled résumé writer, I know this. I know that clients retain my services for the purpose of outfoxing the corporate fox. To do that, however, you have to think like the fox, or in this case—a corporate recruiter.

Performing that task, requires one to perform mental gymnastics. Over the years, I’ve developed the ability to do that. Imagine that you are a corporate recruiter. You have been assigned the task of finding a highly qualified candidate who can manufacture, market or analyze widgets. If you are experienced in doing this, you have enough sense to set up a pseudonym email to isolate incoming responses.

Next, you develop an ad to discourage marginal candidates. For example, you may indicate that the company requires an individual with a master’s degree, when in reality, you may only need someone with a bachelor’s. Or, you may state you require someone who has experience working with left-handed widgets.

Now for the dreaded part. If the ad failed to be sufficiently detailed, you will be inundated with responses. If 50 hit the email in-box, that is bad enough, but what if 500 arrive? Ninety-five percent will include a cover email—some longwinded and others will cut to the chase.

The first thing you do is skip all the longwinded emails. There is a 50:50 chance you will glance over the short ones. (Short is defined as any message that entirely fits on the screen your iPhone or Droid.)

Next, you open each attachment, which in most cases will be the résumé. In one-two-three fashion, you eliminate all the ones longer that two pages. (If you don’t, you will limit yourself to glancing over the first page only before making the decision to toss it.)

 So what are you looking for? Surprisingly, it amounts to a host of simple, if not nonsensical things like the individual’s name, where the individual resides, contact info, what the individual is applying for, who the person worked for, positions held and education. At the subliminal level, you decide whether the content will be easy to digest. Blam—that’s it! Done. Next.

In 11 seconds or less, the job seeker’s fate was determined. Your backlog of emails dwindled to five, perhaps eight. Now you have to decide which individuals you want to invest the balance of your invaluable time.

Instead of plowing through a ton of attachments, you have prudently culled the stack of résumés down to something manageable. Only those get a second glance. The final step involves a quick read of each. This requires no more than a minute or two apiece. Should you spot something that triggers a red flag, one or more of the remaining candidates can be eliminated—thus increasing your invaluable time.

If any of this comes as a surprise, then you’ve undoubtedly had an epiphany.

When Key Words Fail You

Read any interesting résumés lately? Must depends on whom you ask. The one universal truth about résumés is that everyone has an opinion. At one end of the continuum, the résumé is an ego-trip, and at the opposite end, it’s viewed as a royal pain. Most view résumés as an unavoidable evil.

The popular buzz – no matter where you stand on the topic – is that you must include the “right” buzzwords. As a professional résumé guru, I can attest that there is a little alchemy involved. While including a few key words in your material carries value, that perceived value is often exaggerated.

For those who work, fiddle or otherwise handle résumés daily, or perhaps on a regular basis, seeing the same key words, usually dubbed as buzzwords, does not universally communicate the user’s intended message. Many people think that if you include all the right buzzword phraseology, it makes your résumé automatically standout. –Au contraire.

Short back-story: In the last two weeks, no less than six résumés arrived, all of which dealt with different occupations. Of those six, three individuals managed to include every single buzzword associated with their particular occupation. For example, one of those résumés involved the field of education. There are 30 well-known key words popularly associated with education, and the job seeker had included every one of them at least once or multiple times.

For that unemployed teacher, the use of every occupational buzzword failed to produce the desired results. The individual wanted to know why. Intuition told me the individual had overplayed the hand. To manipulate and inculcated the use of every known buzzword required four pages of text. To reduce the length, it required reducing the font size to 10 point, which in turn, made the material more difficult to read.

Bottom line: Employers were not reading the job seeker’s lengthy ad.

Make no mistake about this: Résumés in our post-modern era are a euphemism for a 15-second ad. If that ad requires the average decision-maker to invest more than 15 seconds to grasp what it is an individual has to offer, the potential job candidate is dead in the water. That too, is the bottom line.

The exception, of course, is when a job candidate is the sole individual being considered for a position. Under those circumstances, ad length and buzzwords are immaterial. The fix is in, and the story, hopes and aspirations for everyone else has ended.

Quick last story and I’ll stop bending your ear: Last year, a school superintendent came to see me, carrying a five-page résumé. He had a hot job lead from a friend who sat on another district’s school board.

His friend told him to “Get your résumé in by Friday. That’s when we are making our decision. Oh, and by the way, make sure to keep it to one page. Personally, I don’t care how long it is, because I know you. It’s the other board members. They’re busy, and refuse to read more than one page.”

We managed to keep his hard-hitting ad to one page, using 10 buzzwords, and it worked.

Do It Yourself Dentistry

My father grew up during the height of the Great Depression and taught himself many things. There wasn’t much he could not do. He was truly skilled in many areas, from car repair to fabricating aircraft. He was a devout believer in never paying for anything you could do yourself.

EJ—everyone called him that, preached the gospel that said, if you can read and perform math, you should be able to do anything yourself. He not only preached that gospel, he lived it. If anything broke, he fixed it himself. That is why dentistry came to mind. Yeah, my father performed his own dental work. To my knowledge, he never saw a dentist, and as a result never wasted a dime having his teeth fixed.

Without going into horror stories of what happened to his teeth, suffice to say that people like EJ are still among us. The recent exposure to our Great Depression has forced many job seekers to acquire do-it-yourself mentality. After all, why shell out good money for something like a résumé when you can do the darn thing yourself.

While eavesdropping on a conversation during lunch, I heard a young man named Zack regale over the great difficulties he and everyone else he knew was having in the job market. He had sent out another 100 copies of his résumé, and braced himself for continued bad results. I turned to a nearby acquaintance and made inquiry about the young man.

“Oh-him? Yeah I know Zack,” John G replied. “That kid is brilliant. Probably one of the smartest people I know.” It should be noted that John knows many smart people. Thus, his comment piqued my curiosity. If the young man is so smart, why was he having so much difficulty finding a job?

A quick decision was made: I needed to help a deserving stranger for Holy Week. In doing so, it helps to promote a sense of self-efficacy. I approach Zack, introduce myself, and inform him that this is his lucky day. I was going to make him an employment star.

Outwardly, Zack was gracious. We set up a time to review his job-hunting materials and he agreed to come in. The whole enchilada would cost him the price of making a referral. Life does not get much better than that. Moreover, Zack is within easy walking distance to my office.

I obtained Zack’s self-styled résumé from the Internet. It took me less than three seconds to spot the problems. They were issues I had fixed many times: Making Zack an employment star would be a piece of cake.

Once Zack arrived, the missing critical information was added and two-thirds of his prior material thrown out. What Zack had failed to mention was what it was he really wanted to do. As a result, he had thrown in everything, hoping the reader would be able to figure it.

Starting today, Zack is heading for the US State Department as a cultural attaché, where his knowledge in four foreign languages can be put to good use. No longer will he have to proceed through life performing his own job-search dentistry.