The Reluctant Jobseeker

When jobseekers approach a résumé writer to put together a project, they usually schedule the session themselves. That is not always the case. Approximately one in 25 callers turn out to be an immediate relative: Such calls usually originate from a concerned spouse or parent calling on behalf of an unemployed partner or offspring.
The caller’s intentions are pure: They want to expedite the relative’s employment search. The recipients of such generosity may not appreciate or construe the concerned benefactor’s motives in a welcoming manner. In many situations, the recipient may silently resent those benevolent efforts.
On average, I received about five calls a year from a parent or spouse concerned about a loved one’s prolonged job search. The caller wants me to prepare the material for someone else, and indicate he or she is picking up the investment.
Inevitably, those codependent jobseekers show up late. This is merely one behavioral manifestation. Some openly confess, “I’m only here to placate my father.” Those sessions soon gravitate toward Okay, I’m here; so do a résumé that will make him happy.
The request for detailed background material is met with resistance, such as, “Why do you want to know that?” or “Off the top, I don’t have the best response to that question,” and “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
To say that such stall and delay tactics venture into a piecemeal affair constitutes an understatement. More often, the session turns into full-blown tooth-pulling event. Once they leave, it becomes an equal challenge motivating them to follow through.
This may come as a shock, but codependent jobseekers tend to exhibit strikingly similar behaviors. One has to resist overgeneralizations; however, as a rule reluctant jobseekers solely motivated via the effort of others tend to perform poorly.
I do not possess statistical data to back this up, but I strongly suspect the number one reason potential jobseekers take a passive-aggressive approach is due to the fear of failure or rejection. Such fear tends to overshadow proactive behaviors.
Other ancillary reasons include an acute apprehension to interview for employment, the belief their efforts would be futile, and the feeling of inadequacy. (This latter condition may contain elements of psychoanalytical substance.)
There is no mistake about this: The mind has an uncanny ability to play tricks on itself. These concealing “tricks” more often than not include the ability to rationalize and therefore justify enabling behaviors. Some complex behaviors become so deeply camouflaged and engrained that only surface through psychotherapy.
Here is a suggestion to those who feel compelled to help others find suitable employment. Encourage the individual to take ownership of his or her job-seeking efforts. You can help prepare a to-do list, practice responding to common interviewing questions, or perhaps suggest how the individual could enhance his or her wardrobe and self-image.
One thing is certain: The kindhearted gesture of paying for someone else’s résumé rarely results in anything positive. In other words, kindness toward others just isn’t what it used to be.

Copyrighted © by Robert James