When jobseekers approach a résumé writer to
put together a project, they usually schedule the session themselves. That is
not always the case. Approximately one in 25 callers turn out to be an
immediate relative: Such calls usually originate from a concerned spouse or
parent calling on behalf of an unemployed partner or offspring.
The caller’s
intentions are pure: They want to expedite the relative’s employment search.
The recipients of such generosity may not appreciate or construe the concerned
benefactor’s motives in a welcoming manner. In many situations, the recipient may
silently resent those benevolent efforts.
On average, I
received about five calls a year from a parent or spouse concerned about a
loved one’s prolonged job search. The caller wants me to prepare the material
for someone else, and indicate he or she is picking up the investment.
Inevitably, those
codependent jobseekers show up late. This is merely one behavioral
manifestation. Some openly confess, “I’m only here to placate my father.” Those
sessions soon gravitate toward Okay, I’m
here; so do a résumé that will make
him happy.
The request for detailed background material is met with resistance, such as, “Why do you want to know that?” or “Off the top, I don’t have the best response to that question,” and “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
The request for detailed background material is met with resistance, such as, “Why do you want to know that?” or “Off the top, I don’t have the best response to that question,” and “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
To say that such
stall and delay tactics venture into a piecemeal affair constitutes an
understatement. More often, the session turns into full-blown tooth-pulling event.
Once they leave, it becomes an equal challenge motivating them to follow
through.
This may come as
a shock, but codependent jobseekers tend to exhibit strikingly similar behaviors.
One has to resist overgeneralizations; however, as a rule reluctant jobseekers
solely motivated via the effort of others tend to perform poorly.
I do not possess
statistical data to back this up, but I strongly suspect the number one reason
potential jobseekers take a passive-aggressive approach is due to the fear of failure or rejection. Such fear tends to overshadow proactive behaviors.
Other ancillary
reasons include an acute apprehension to interview
for employment, the belief their efforts would be futile, and the feeling of inadequacy.
(This latter condition may contain elements of psychoanalytical substance.)
There is no
mistake about this: The mind has an uncanny ability to play tricks on itself.
These concealing “tricks” more often than not include the ability to
rationalize and therefore justify enabling behaviors. Some complex behaviors
become so deeply camouflaged and engrained that only surface through psychotherapy.
Here is a
suggestion to those who feel compelled to help others find suitable employment.
Encourage the individual to take
ownership of his or her job-seeking efforts. You can help prepare a to-do list, practice responding to
common interviewing questions, or perhaps suggest how the individual could
enhance his or her wardrobe and self-image.
One thing is
certain: The kindhearted gesture of paying for someone else’s résumé rarely results
in anything positive. In other words, kindness toward others just isn’t what it
used to be.